The West Coast capitals of 'hip' (San Francisco & L.A.) have spawned many disciples to L. Ron Hubbard and Werner Erhard, the enlightened 'semi-gurus' who founded Scientology and EST, respectively.

For years, Scientology advertised for converts pitching 'the Gospel according to Hubbard', Dianetics. "Have you ever wondered about your reactive mind?"

The Hollywood "A" list has two highly visible Scientologists: John Travolta & Tom Cruise.

John Travolta produced Hubbard's classic sci-fi thriller, dubbed "the Scientology flick" (Premiere, Feb.'99). A box-office dud, cable viewers wearied through endless runs of Travolta as a 12 foot alien (battling humanity & poor Barry Pepper).

Semi-Tough ('77): Burt Reynolds & Kris Kristofferson are football players & enlightenment wannabes. The late Bert Convy (TV Match Game) does the definitive parody of EST's founder Werner Erhard.

Erhard (a Hubbard disciple?) gave EST (latin for 'it is') an Eastern/Hindu twist. EST was the more public forum for personal transformation. Scientology retained a private mystique.

Listen carefully for the enraged Team Owner: it's Robert Preston (The Music Man, Victor Victoria). Daughter Jill Clayburgh is left at the alter. Preston threatens to trade Kristofferson to a losing expansion team. As mayhem erupts, Preston attacks Bert Convy.

To the unenlightened populace, these movement/ 'religions' trigger rumors & stereotypes ("mind control" techniques, pressure to convert, excessive donation demands, questionable non-profit status, etc.).

For those now truly enlightened, my sense is that it all gets down to "doing business" in one form or another.

The late John Candy tells his Stripes platoon he "swallowed aggression along with a lot of pizzas." He wanted "to take an anger management course, like EST, only I didn't have the 400 bucks, so to get in shape, I joined the army..." Bill Murray and Harold Ramis had joined the Army for similar reasons-their lives weren't working!

Choosing therapy is like asking for a shot, but 20 years ago, at my Mom's urging, I participated in the grueling 2 weekend seminar, the EST "basic training." Ok, so my mother also signed on for Amway…she meant well!

I rationalized my participation as affordable group therapy (average cost: just under $8 an hr). My immediate return on the $450 tuition: the will power to quit smoking 'cold turkey' (I kicked a 2-pack-daily habit & haven't smoked cigarettes since Aug '82). I also met some interesting folks.

EST Theory One: Sharing

I befriended Larry, a contemporary Yuppie (Chiropractor). Larry's motivator for the EST training was his mentor & (soon former) business partner. Sharing is a very big part of the EST culture. I was amazed when Larry and his buxom, blue-eyed (new) wife shared the tale of how they got together. Seems Larry took over both the business and his (ex-partner's) girlfriend, now Larry's wife!

Speaking of sharing bed-partners, click for Ed's article 'Adultery & Ted Danson'

Next: a study in another basic EST premise: 'business & friends do not mix.'

EST Theory Two: Teamwork

Jed & I were Big Chill-era '80's yuppy aggressive 'type A's.' We boot-camped a brutal week through (COVERT, as I christened COmbat Variety Est Radical Training) the California "6 day."

The rigorous diet/exercise, mountain climbing & teamwork inspired years of yuppy 'professional success.'

Jed moved from Wisconsin to Florida, trying to find the right business opportunity. It was amusing at first--he brokered mail order 'portable' office equipment, vitamins & (useless?) health supplements like 'hard water.'

Friendships die if they get involved in M.L.M. (MLM = multi-level marketing). Jed wasn't the kind to hear "no."

Like my mother before me, I became a puppet (distributor); over-supplied with safe natural household cleaners & silly homeopathic supplements.

'The unbearable enlightenment of being...'

In Bowfinger (Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin), Terence Stamp (The Limey, General Zod in Superman) ran 'Mindhead' (a parody to Scientology). Eddie Murphy is a high strung, paranoid 'A list' actor (the unknowing star of Martin's low budget sci-fi flick). When approached by alien bodysnatchers, Murphy retreats to Mindhead for safety & sanity.

click here for Bowfinger mix

The Scientology therapeutic repartee is empowered by sensitive electronics & a Jedi-type 'Mental Influence'

Pre-1977 we called it a Vulcan mind-meld

I met a practitioner therapist; working with her husband, a state licensed psychoanalyst. Her training, she claimed, was "directly with the L. Ron Hubbard."

A Scientology 'therapy session' involves the 'patient' holding metallic sensors wired to a small monitor; she monitored the unit & measured changes. Quiet talk/meditation & the patient would trigger polygraph-type modulations, allegedly energy released from a past life--the patient is encouraged to recall & confront the experience.

Aha! It is soo simple--

She referred me to "business consultants", purportedly with a like background. A non-refundable fee of $50 thousand would both manage & expand my professional practice (primary technique: growth through personal encouragement).

I passed: do you remember an early Bruce Willis/Samuel Jackson exchange in Unbreakable? Jackson's spin on the unnatural assaults Willis' common sense; we are warned of the weak being taken advantage of. "Now all I need is your credit card number…"

click for larger image

Travolta (with Pulp Fiction super-cool costars Samuel Jackson and Bruce Willis) seems natural, outfitted with a swaggering confidence borne of success (Battlefield Earth notwithstanding).

click for cool Travolta soundbite from Ed's Archives

Travolta is a commercially airline trained jet pilot. In an interview, he told of handling a "black cabin" (an electrical mishap where all interior lighting fails). This is one together Scientologist!

I can't swear that he is enlightened, but his always-tough grin & camera-ready eye contact never let on that he is anything but at the top of his game.

Cruise and Cameron Diaz, his co-star in Vanilla Sky